Let me guess ...
You've been trying to get pregnant now for some months. You're tracking ovulation, timing sex, taking your folic acid and doing what you thought you were supposed to do.
But every month, your period arrives and you're left thinking, WTF?!
You know getting pregnant can take time but you're starting to question whats going on.
Is there something wrong with me? We're having loads of sex, so why am I not pregnant? OMG, am I going to need IVF?
And then you go online, only to see the same advice everywhere.
"You need to try for 1 year before asking for help."
Thankfully, I'm here to tell you that's not quite right.
I mean, what's the deal with waiting 12 months anyway?
To be fair, there's actually a good reason for this advice.
Getting pregnant can honestly take time, even when everything is working as it should.
In the UK, you’re asked to try for 12 months before going to the GP about your fertility. If you're 36 or over, or you've got something going on like PCOS, endometriosis or irregular periods, it suggests you can speak to your GP sooner.
But whether you're being asked to try for 6 or 12 months, I think the message about waiting is getting lost.
Because the idea that you should just crack on for months without questioning or understanding anything … what?! …
That is, quite frankly, in my opinion, a load of BS.
Look, it could be completely reasonable to wait 12 months before diving into a ton of fertility investigations but I don't believe it's reasonable to wait months before understanding your fertility.
And there's a bloody good reason i think that …
What if you're simply getting your timing wrong? Or there's something about your cycle you've never realised is worth paying attention to? Or maybe theres something about your partners health history that suggests he should start improving his fertility now?
Understanding those things earlier could help you make changes that improve your chances of getting pregnant naturally.
And equally, what if there's something in your symptoms or medical history that suggests you shouldn't be waiting 12 months for investigations in the first place?
Surely understanding a bit more about yours and your partner's (if relevant) fertility makes more sense than spending the next 12 months wondering whether you're doing everything right and why the hell its not working?
And, let's not beat around the bush here, the NHS isn't routinely providing personalised fertility education to everyone who starts trying for a baby. So if you're hoping for someone to sit down with you and explain what might be happening with your fertility, annoyingly, you could be waiting a flipping long time 😭
So what can you actually do while you're waiting?
Before you order every fertility test you've seen on social media, I'd start with a few questions.
1. Are you identifying your fertile window correctly?
Like, do you actually know when to have sex?
Because if you're having sex every other day throughout your entire cycle just to make sure you're covering all bases, you’re almost certainly making things a lot more exhausting than they need to be 😅
If you're using OPKs, a positive test suggests an LH surge, but that doesn't guarantee ovulation has happened.
And your period tracking app? That's more often than not predicting ovulation based on previous cycles, not confirming it.
Understanding you're fertility can be a lot more useful than obsessively tracking everything.
2. What is your cycle telling you?
Regular cycles are generally reassuring but irregular periods, significant pain, unusual bleeding or raging PMT deserve your attention.
Because believe it or not, most period symptoms shouldn't just be dismissed as part of having a bloody period.
And no, you don't need a textbook 28 day cycle to get pregnant.
3. What about sperm health?
I mean, really, I should have listed this as number one, TBH.
Because fertility isn't solely your responsibility. No really, it’s not.
If you're reviewing your fertility, your partner's health and history have to be part of the picture too. And early on, not just when everything else has been investigated.
4. Is there anything that warrants investigating sooner?
Your age, medical history and symptoms all matter when you’re TTC.
Conditions such as endometriosis, absent periods or previous pelvic infections may warrant earlier assessment.
And while we're here, just an FYI - persistent vaginal symptoms such as unusual discharge, irritation or recurrent infections are worth getting checked too.
It’s true that not everybody needs fertility tests after a few unsuccessful tries. But equally, not everybody should be told to keep trying for another year.
Don't waste the wait
Generally, the clients I start working with are at two completely different ends of the scale.
Some are doing absolutely everything they can think of to get pregnant. Supplements, tracking apps, ovulation tests, dietary changes, meditating under a new moon. You name it.
Others are so overwhelmed by all the information out there that they haven't got a damn clue where to start.
And I get it. There's a ridiculous amount of fertility advice online but how much of it is actually relevant to you?
That's where I desperately want to start changing the conversation.
No, you don't need to panic after three unsuccessful tries at TTC. And you don't necessarily need a load of investigations.
But don’t waste the wait, you can start getting to know your own fertility, understanding what matters and figuring out what, if anything, is worth looking into.
Whether you've been trying for four months or four years, there's value in knowing what you're doing, why you’re doing it and what to do next.
You don't have to wait until you're at the end of your tether to ask for some direction.
And if you'd like someone to help make sense of your own fertility picture, that's exactly what I do through Plug & Play. We look at your circumstances, what's already been done and what might be worth focusing on next.